


Keep Him Safe.

by ZozeeWrites



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 02:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZozeeWrites/pseuds/ZozeeWrites
Summary: "Phillip Michael Lester? You have been drafted for the cause in Vietnam. You have an hour to collect anything in a small duffle bag and say goodbye to any loved ones."





	1. Misery

January 20th, 1968

Philadelphia

"Good morning Phil, how are you this fine morning?" Dan asks in his most posh English accent.

"Just fine, how about you Daniel?" Phil replies with a horrible attempt at a posh accent. Dan thinks Phil should stick to his birth-accent given to him by the land of the free, America.

"Myself? Oh well I am doing quite good. Would you like some coffee with that horrible accent?" Dan grins and they end their little scene.

"Of course Dan. Oh yeah, hey would you mind if we head out to the supermarket? I need to get some milk."

"Yeah sure. Why don't I make us some breakfast and then we can head out?"

"Alright." Dan hands Phil the freshly brewed coffee and accompanies it with a kiss on his right cheek.

-

After they return home from the supermarket they sit down on the couch ready to listen to the radio. They were about to find out if their great country had decided to involve themselves in the Vietnam war.

Folks, the news is in, the United States of America have decided to install troops in Vietnam to fight the communists.

The words that Dan and Phil didn't know how to feel about. They were both of age and could potentially be drafted to fight. So they were scared, but at the same time they were happy to know that their country will be helping those that don't quite have the power to defeat the enemy.

"Hey Phil? Whatever happens in the next few weeks, I promise that I will keep you safe no matter what." Dan was on the verge of tears, he couldn't imagine losing him.

"And I will do the same for you."

-

Today's the day. Dan and Phil have already heard from a few of their friends that they know people that have been drafted. Dan and Phil are stressed out.

They are on their couch in their living room holding hands and fiddling with their engagement rings.

Phil wants to live to see the day that they can get married. Today Phil will find out his fate but also the fate of their relationship.

Phil has had this feeling in his gut that something bad is going to happen. He couldn't imagine losing Dan. He is his everything. If he got drafted Phil would lose all hope.

And he has this feeling that it's going to happen. He is going to lose Dan, the love of my life.

\- Knock-Knock-Knock.

They flinch from their trance of the television. "Maybe it's just a solicitor. Come on, let's go." Dan explains in a calm voice, obviously trying not to upset Phil. With a final kiss we open the door. Standing on their porch are two men, dressed in uniform.

"Phillip Michael Lester? You have been drafted for the cause in Vietnam. You have an hour to collect anything in a small duffel bag and say goodbye to any loved ones." Phil couldn't believe it. He had been drafted. He smiles weakly and thanks them.

"Do you have anyone to say goodbye to at this address? We could give you a ride on the way to the facility if you would like." Phil has no one. Dan was the only loved one he had. Phil's mom had died when he was very young and his dad disowned me once he turned 18 because he is gay.

"No sir. Dan is my only family." He wrapped one arm around his boyfriend's shoulder. Both officers had a quite confused expression. "Oh right, sorry sir. This is Dan, my boyfriend."

"Oh-um okay. We will be up front but we leave in an hour." Both officers retreat to their car.

Phil turns to Dan and sees the tears falling down his face. Phil puts his hand to Dan's face, wiping off the wet streams. Dan puts his hand to Phil face, doing the same. Phil hadn't even realized that he was crying. They couldn't even speak. Phil was leaving in an hour and there was nothing either of them could do about it. They felt so helpless.

"Dan? Promise me you will move on. Find another boy, fight for you two to have the right to get married. I want you to be happy. Forget about me." Phil was fighting the words but he couldn't help it.

He could see the anger in Dan's eyes. "Forget you? You are never leaving me. You will go for your term and be back in a year. That is what is going to happen, you hear me? I love you and I could never live without you. I could never move on. What we have isn't something that can be so easily forgotten alright? Do you understand?"

"Dan, I know that. But I could die out there. And I don't want to burden your life with that. So try your best to forget me. Or at least move on. For me." They pause as they hear the faint melody of their song. All You Need Is Love, by The Beatles. Phil can feel himself breaking down. Phil pulls Dan into a hug and they sway back and forth to the music. Phil can feel Dan's head resting on his shoulder, making his t-shirt damp from his tears. Phil can't react. He is leaving in an hour from the man he loves most. This couldn't be happening. But it was.

_No one you can save that can't be saved._

_Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time._

_It's easy._

_All you need is love._

_-_

_Knock knock knock_

  
"Phillip sir. It is time to go. We can not stall any longer."

Dan can't believe it. Phil is really leaving. He can feel the tears still streaming down his face.

"Goodbye Phil. I'll see you when you get home okay?"

"See you then."

Dan pulls Phil into a hug until his boyfriend pulls away and gathers his things, he kisses Dan one last time. Dan can see the sadness and doubt in Phil's eyes. Phil turns away, following the two officers. He doesn't look back, he can't and Dan know it. It would hurt him to much to look back and see Dan in the doorway with everything that he has wished to have with him. Dan watches him as he gets into the car.

The engine starts.

And the last thing Dan sees of Phil is him looking straight forward not daring to meet Dan's eyes.

And all Dan can wonder is,

_Is this goodbye?_

_-_

It was been two weeks since Phil left Dan. Every night is miserable. Not having Dan beside him when he falls asleep and waking up in the dark with a stranger at his side.   
-  
Phil can hear the gun shots in the distance. Wait not in the distance, they are near by. He sees a fellow soldier drop dead in an instant. He is terrified. But he has to be strong. He needs to be strong so he can get his term over with and get back to Dan. If he paralyzes himself with fear he could die. And he is not letting that happen. He will not do that to Dan.

He holds his gun to his side as he ducks into cover and finds a small piece of paper on the ground. On it is a note in Vietnamese. He puts it in his pocket, Phil is sure the General will find good use of this.

On the way back, there is no one in sight, hardly any sounds. It is silent. Phil is in peace.

He takes a moment.

He stops and sits down in the field and opens the small notebook that he had brought with him.

 _Dear Dan,_  
_This is my first day in two weeks that I have actually been in peace. I've tried to stay strong but I can't feel anything. I feel numb. Like I'm becoming part of the war, I am just a soldier. I haven't killed anyone but I've seen my fellow soldiers drop dead on the spot. Every time I see someone die I see your face. I try and shake it off, but I see you dead on the field, lifeless. I feel sick every time. I hope you are safe. I hope you haven't been worrying too much about me I don't want that. Even if I have been worrying about you, it's helpless. I could never control what happens while I'm gone. The only thing that's helping me along the way is that i just have to survive each day so that I can get back to you soon. I'll be back._

_Love you always._

_Phil._  
_-_  
Phil puts the pen and notebook back into his uniform. 

He stands up abruptly as he hears a loud gunshot.

He runs.

He finds his base.

And then everything goes black.

-

Everyone around Phil is dead. The base has exploded. And out of the smoke he sees an enemy soldier checking all the bodies, confirming to him that they are dead.

Phil shoots the soldier.

He is dead. Phil leaves his body and the rest of the dead corpses.

He reaches into his uniform for his communicator. He finds a notebook.

Huh? Why would he have a notebook? What kind of soldier carries a notebook?

The ringing in his ears won't go away. Phil shakes his head and tries to stop the pounding headache he has.

The last thing he remembers was the explosion.

He opens the notebook. Curious of what the contents hold. Maybe it's an enemy notebook.

_Dear Dan,_

Who is Dan? He reads the entry until he reaches the bottom.

Who is Phil?

-

 


	2. What Love Is.

Dan can feel himself going insane. He believes in soulmates, and he doesn't think he can live without his. He needs to see Phil, he needs to make sure he's safe.

He dials one of his friends, Barb on the telephone.

"Hello Dan, how are you doing? Everything been okay?" She sounds genuinely concerned.

"I am okay, I just wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to is be with someone." He misses Phil so damn much.

"I am not a biologist, but I do know this. You love him, and I think that feeling is you longing to be with the one you love most. But you can't do that, all I'm going to advise is that we can just have hope that he will be home soon, at the end of his term, sweet and sound and you two can go and live aperfect life. Okay? Hope is the most important tool we can use right now." She replies with such a soft and sweet voice.

Her speech gives Dan an idea.

"Barb, I am going to do something stupid. No not just stupid, insane. But I can't let you stop me. I need to see him, I need to make sure he's safe."

"What?"

He lets the words roll of my tongue as if he's been planning this for the last two weeks.

"I am going to Vietnam."

"Daniel, you can't go to Vietnam, it's a war zone!"

"I told you, you can't stop me. And I'm not going as a visitor." Dan can hear her thinking in the other side of the line.

"Wait, what do you mean, Dan.. no- you can't-"

She understands.

"I need to go Barb I have a phone call to make. I need to see my soulmate. I need to see Phil."

And he hangs up the phone. He dials the officers number from that dreadful day two weeks ago.   
-  
"Hello this is Officer Kendall, to whom am I speaking to?"

"Hello Sir. This is Daniel Howell I need you to bring me there."

-

Dan is sweating. He is going to see Phil in the next hour. He is in the back of truck, being brought to the base that Phil is located at.

Dan recently found out that Phil is safe, everyone at his base had died in the last few days due to a grenade explosion. He was badly hurt with slight symptoms of amnesia but he is safe.

Dan can't believe he is going to see him. He can't believe he is actually here.

As they pull up to the base Dan can see all the soldiers all in the same uniform as the one he is wearing. The rest of the soldiers in the truck file out with him.

He scans the crowds of soldiers looking for Phil, the one with the black hair and blue eyes. Dan asks around, no one knows of him.

Finally he turns one soldier around, losing hope that maybe they had brought him to the wrong camp.

He turns the man around while saying,

"Excuse me sir, Have you seen Phil Lest- oh my god Phil it's really you!" He can feel himself crying. But Phil has an expressionless face. He doesn't say anything.

"What's wrong Phil, are you hurt? I can get a medic for you, I heard what happened to you at the other camp, here come with me I'm sure I can find someone to help-"

"Sorry, I don't want to burst your bubble, but who are you? And who is Phil?" Dan feels his heart drop, he feels lightheaded. This couldn't be happening.

"Um- uh- you're Phil! And I- I am Dan, y-your-" He can't speak the words. Dan looks into his boyfriend's eyes, they are turning grey, he don't see the light that he fell in love with.

"I found this, maybe you could be of use of it. I'm not sure who Phil is, but if that's my name then so be it. I just have always thought that I was soldier #2022. I don't really care who you are either. I have a duty to fight in this war and die for my country." The man that Dan thought was Phil hands him a small black notebook.

Dan can't believe the words that are coming out of Phil'smouth.

Dan doesn't know what to do. He can feel his face drenched in tears.

So he runs. He runs as fast as he can, fighting every thought that is invading his brain.

_I told them to bring me here. But I thought Phil  would be here._

He falls on the ground in the middle of a field. He looks around, no one is to be seen. He pounds the ground with my fists. How could this be happening.

After a while Dan realizes that he is gripping the notebook so hard that he was almost breaking it.

Dan opens the notebook and reads the words written on the thin sheets of paper.

_Dear Dan,_

_Today's my first day of training. I miss you already. I promise I will be home soon. If this gets to you that means that I have either survived and I have let you read it when I get home. Or something bad has happened to me and you have been given this notebook by someone bearing the bad news. I want you to know that I have always loved you. And if I haven't made it to fight for us to get married, and if we haven't been able to live a normal life, then I'm sorry. I didn't fight hard enough for my life, our life._

_I want you to do something. I will have written in this notebook everyday, and i want you to burn this notebook. I want you to forget about me. I already told you this, but none of this is your fault. It's the stupid wars fault. And I don't want this to stop you from having a normal life. Please move on. I need you to do that. For me._

_Anyway, I hope you got this book from me and you can cuddle with me as we read it. But I am writing this knowing that I am probably dead or taken hostage, practically dead._

_I love you with all my heart forever and ever._

_Love,_  
_Phil_  
_-_  
Phil, his soulmate, is broken. He is an object of the war and he doesn't even remember Dan.

Dan has lost hope.

But he vowed to keep him safe no matter what, so that's what he is going to do even if he doesn't know who Dan is. He is doing this for the Phil Dan knew, the Phil that said goodbye to him two weeks ago.

He will die for him if he has to, he will do whatever it takes. Dan will make sure Phil goes home alive.

-

Love? What is that emotion? Phil wonders what that feels like. That guy, what's his name? Dean, no it's Dan. He says that he loves him. He can't love Phil, one of them will probably be dead by the end of the week. That is how war works, how does Dan not understand that? His emotions are clouding his judgement. He came to this camp assigned to be a officer that stays at the camp, not in the field. He has somehow convinced the general to let him fight on the field.

Does he have a death wish?

He also keeps mumbling something inaudible.

Whatever, Phil has a war to fight.   
-

Dan convinced them, he will keep his promise to himself and to Phil.

The general was quite confused when he asked to be put on the field.

But he doesn't think the general really cared.. if he's suicidal? Oh well. If Dan loves a man that will never care for him again? The genera; doesn't give a fuck. But Dan does. And that's all that matters.   
-  
Dan sees Phil walking out of his tent in uniform. He hasn't talked to him since the incident. But he can't bear looking at his face and not knowing if his case is helpless. He takes a second, deciding if he should go and talk to him or not. He needs to know for sure. But Dan is pretty sure Phil hates him, more so he hates everything and everyone. Phil's life has become the war and it kills Dan to see him without that light in his eyes.

He looks right at Dan but doesn't make eye contact, almost like he's looking right through Dan.

He can't take this anymore. Dan can't bear looking at Phil without saying anything to him.

Dan doesn't even realize he's running up to Phil. He grabs him by the shoulder, gasping for air.

"Phil, I need to know for sure if our relationship is helpless. Do you not remember when we met? It was at the small support group back in Philly? We were both terrified to be there since it was both our first meeting, yet I knew we clicked right away. Do you not remember that? Do you remember after all those years of being together I knew that we had to make it official and get engaged? We danced to our song, All You Need Is Love by-" Phil interrupts him. Dan realizes that he didn't take a breath the whole time he was talking. He takes a deep breath.

"By the Beatles." Phil says, monotone. Dan smiles, he can feel the tears. Maybe Phil does remember. But when Dan looks at Phil's face, his expression hasn't changed. There's no life and no love in his eyes.

"Do you- do you remember?"

"I hate the Beatles."

Dan's heart drops. That was his thing, he loved the Beatles like nothing else. That was why their song was one written by them.

This couldn't be happening. So it's true. He really doesn't remember anything about them. He doesn't remember what they had, and he's not himself anymore.

Dan turns away from him as they walk in opposite directions. They both are on the field today so they need to get out there.

-

Phil is hiding in the ditch. He almost got shot, it was a close one but he's still alive.

He sees that Dan guy running like a natural soldier. He has a certain fire in him that Phil admires. He is new here but he definitely is fighting for something. Even if it's Phil.

Dan jumps into the ditch and does a barrel roll until he is right at my feet. Phil helps him up from the ground without meeting his eyes. It's quite awkward being around him now.   
-  
War is hard. Dan knew it would be but he's getting used to it. Seeing his fellow soldiers falling and then he helps the medics take the corpses back to the base.   
-  
That night Dan has a nightmare again.

He is back in the field, they are closing in on the enemy. He is by Phil's side.

Everything goes in slow motion. He's shot in the back by a sniper. Dan doesn't have the time to react. By the time he falls to his side, he's dead. He puts Dan's hands up and faces the enemy that is a mile away. Dan surrenders himself. He doesn't want to live in a world without Phil.

The soldier shakes his head and turns his back to me.

Dan realizes what this is.

This is my personal hell.

A world without the love of his life.   
-  
Dan wakes up with sweat and tears falling down my face. And then he realizes that what had happened was only a dream.

_It's okay. Phil's alive. You won't let him die._

_Dan your not strong enough._

_You can't stop fate._

_He's already gone. Don't you realize that?_

_Phil doesn't love-_

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud gun shot. In the middle of the night? He grabs his small hand gun that he keeps at his bedside and then he realizes that there is no one in any of the beds around him. Dan runs out to where he sees a crowd that had formed.

He tries and see what's going on, what is everyone looking at?

As he reaches the middle of the crowd he can see a figure lying dead on the floor and one on top with a gun still pointing at the fallen corpse.

One of them is Phil.

-

"Phil, PHIL! What have you done?" Dan screams at the top his lungs.

The man lying on the ground is wearing an American uniform. Is he a spy? There are whispers flying around the crowd.

Phil looks at Dan and then walks in the other direction not even saying anything to him.   
-  
Dan loves Phil but he doesn't know how much longer he can do this. It's hurting him too much to see Phil like this. He can't even bear the thought of leaving Phil though. Dan reminds himself of that promise he made. He can't let Phil die.   
-  
  
Phil is back on the war field. He can hear gunshots going off all around him, but he's not even fazed anymore about the noise. He is in the zone. Ever since last night when he caught that spy Phil has been at the top of his game, being the excellent sniper that he's become to be known.

Shooting enemies left and right. Phil doesn't even feel a bit of remorse. They are the enemy, he is fighting for freedom, people have to die for that.   
-  
Dan is back on the war field. He still jumps at the sound of gunshots. He can't seem to focus since last nights events. After wondering about his future.

Running left and right. Dan feels sad every time he sees a dead man on the floor, ally or enemy. Dan can still see Phil's face on every dead corpse. He's going crazy.   
-  
Dan has a bad feeling about today.

-

Dan is scared. He's never really feared death, he's always accepted the thought of death. But now, he's scared to die. Dan doesn't want to die with Phil not knowing who Dan is. He doesn't want to die knowing that Phil might not make it home.   
-  
"General, may I speak to you?" Dan's hands are shaking. 

"Yes Howell?"

"I-If I die... um, uh, could you please send Phil Lester home?"

The general looks at Dan with a sad expression. He has seen too many people die.

"I'll see what I can do. But usually that's not allowed. Every soldier has to last their term here, unless they are severely hurt."

"Thank you sir, I love him."

"I know you do Howell. I understand you more than you probably think." The general turns around without an explanation.   
-  
  
Phil is back on the field. Dan following close by his side, and for the first time on this field, Dan looks terrified. Phil can't have a fellow soldier this scared. 

"Hey Howell! Come here."

"Y-yes Phil?" His voice is shaking. 

"Hold yourself together Dan! You are fighting for your country. You have gotten this far, what's to fear now?!"

"N-nothing I g-guess.." 

"You're scared to die aren't you? Everyone is at the start. But you looked so pulled together at the start of your term, I admired you. You were a natural. So keep that up, don't fall apart now. Your country needs you Howell. Start acting like it."

He doesn't respond but he turns around as Phil hears him sniffle away a tear. Whatever, Phil tried to at least talk some sense into him.   
- 

In the middle of the day Phil is alone. As he sits down to have a drink of water from his flask, he feels a force on the back of his head. 

"Soldier, I am Kevin. You killed my boyfriend, Lance, you will pay for your actions." 

Phil puts his hands up and slowly turn around. Kevin has a hand gun pointed directly at the center of Phil's face. 

Phil thinks of my options. He has none. If he reaches down for his gun Kevin will shoot, and if Phil runs Kevin will shoot. Both options leave Phil dead. 

Maybe he could distract Kevin for a moment until an ally comes to help. 

-

Dan finally reaches some empty space. He had just seen many of my fellow soldiers die. He has been running for his life and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. As he catches his breath he hears a familiar voice in the distance. 

"It wasn't me!" 

"Yes it was! I saw it with my own eyes from afar!"

Phil was screaming at an enemy. All Dan could see was his back but then he saw what was really happening. Phil was going to die. Dan could not let that happen. He stepped forward so they could see him. 

"Put your gun down now soldier or I will kill you." Dan yells from afar. Phil turns around, almost shocked to see him. 

"Oh well who do we have here? Oh wait, is this your lover Philly boy?" The man asks and pulls Phil forward so they are feet away from me. 

"Don't you ever call me that" Phil mutters as the man takes his gun off of Phil and aims directly at Dan's heart. 

"I'm Kevin. You should know what love is. Your little boyfriend here killed mine. I'm sure you would do the same. If I killed him, you would want me dead no?"

He smiles maniacally. 

"No. I wouldn't want you dead because he's not dying. If you wish to seek revenge kill me. That will hurt him more." Dan knows he's lying. Of course Phil won't care. But maybe a little of him hopes he's right. 

"Well Well Well. I guess I get the choice. Rugged old Philly over there who obviously isn't afraid to kill, or lover boy over here? Which would be more fun... or maybe I could just kill both you... starting with Phillip!" 

He whips around and before Dan even has the chance to realize what is happening, Dan is front of Phil. He can feel the bullet pierce through his chest and then he can only think one thought,

_I kept him safe._

And then all Dan sees is the color he's loved his whole life.

Black.

-

**EPILOGUE**

Phil enters the flat, the one that used to belong to him he guesses.

On the mantle he sees a photo of Dan and him. Phil will forever be grateful to Dan for saving his life.

Phil turns on the radio.

He starts clearing everything out of the house. He's moving to a rehab center for soldiers like him with PTSD.

As he starts clearing out Dan's possessions he finds a letter on the bedside table.

_Dear Phil,_  
_I'm doing something really stupid. I am going to Vietnam today. If you're reading this I'm probably dead. And I'm sorry for that, at least I hope I died saving you._

_Please move on._  
_I love you Phil._  
_You are my soulmate and I hope that we can meet again._

_I'll remember you forever._

_Love,_  
_Dan._  
-  
After reading his letter Phil doesn't feel anything.  
He throws the letter into the fire and he watches it burn into ash.  
-  
_Love, love, love_

 _There's nothing you can do that can't be done_  
_Nothing you can sing that can't be sung_  
_Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game_  
_It's easy._  
-  
Phil turns the radio off. He hates that song.

Phil walks away and out the door. 


End file.
